Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Someone came in the potted fern
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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