Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
