My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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