that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if only i could text you this smell
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
