Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I stole a fireplace last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
