Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
