I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
