I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
