i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
