i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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