When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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