Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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