Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
