Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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