hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need water and some morals
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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