fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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