She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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