So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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