I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
