i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
