I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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