"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
