I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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