your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
