I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
