i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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