well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
