i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
