If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
