I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize