nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
