I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
