The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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