Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
