...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My feet surprised me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
