i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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