if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
