You made me cry and you don't even care
pop tarts are not kleenex
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
