I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
