drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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