return my video game
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
