If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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