I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
