a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
