And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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