I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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