We named our party play list daddy issues
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
