Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
