At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
