Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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