im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
